I lie.

So while I toil away at the computer screen with my cup of java steaming on my desk on this cold winter morning, I can still hear the sounds of my morning.  My youngest (10 months) sticking his tongue out and making flubbery (just made that one up) noises while he balances himself on his learning-to-walk legs on a box of diapers.  Reese eating her cereal while Caden saws logs upstairs.

None of this possible without my little lady.  And by little I mean she's only 5'2".

She is up with Cullen at 6:30am.  He's ready to be up and rolls around the bed smacking each of us in the face to tell us he's ready to play.

She picks him up with a kiss and they are off to the diaper change.

I lie.

Reese comes in from waking up and says "Hi daddy" and I give her a hug.  She shows me her new "Frozen" shirt she got from Target yesterday.  The shirt is "cool" I tell her.  Pun intended.  She says "I know" very matter of fact.  She's excited though.  She's doing flips on the inside.  Its how she rolls.

I still lie.

"Mommy" asks if I can get up and watch the boy while she showers Reese.

I can lie no longer.

I fumble around, body creaking from the nights slumber, find my shirt and flannel pants and head straight to the coffee machine.  I can hear the sound of the little one, his talking and playing with familiar sounding toys so I don't need to be there quite yet.

Caden stumbles from his bedroom, "Hi Dad.  I slept a long time!"

Reese is out of the shower by the time my coffee is going and now its time for Caden to head in.  He likes the long hot shower and reminds me of his uncle who used to fall asleep in the warm shower before we had to be at school.  My dad would go turn off the hot water in those instances and my brother would get a cool surprise.

Fast forward to me going out the door to work.

All three kids are showered, dressed, have eaten breakfast and are ready for their day.  It's about 7:30am.  And most of the time I just laid in bed.

My stay-at-home wife is quite a luxury for me.  No worries about any of those morning routines.  I just know its going to get done.  There are an innumerable amount of things my wife takes care of at home.  She is homeschooling the children on top of the every day duties, so even more on her plate than I would say would be normally.

We have a healthy family.  We are not lacking for any necessity.  We get sick, but are not critically ill.  We are "starving" sometimes because we haven't had a snack for a couple hours, but really we are never hungry.  We have a house we are remodeling and there is sheetrock dust in every crack and crevice, and it will probably never be clean until we are done, but still, we have a roof over our head and warm air fills the house on cold winter days.

I have been down lately because of all the work I forsee in various projects around the house.  Yes, probably my biggest complaint.  So in the grand scheme of things ... really nothing at all.

If you are a stay-at-home mom or dad, thank you.  If you are the spouse of someone who stays at home, enjoy your luxury, and thank you for your service to mankind.  Your kids will thank you.  Someday.  When they realize the luxury of someone who stays home with them.

Blessings,
Jon

1 John 2:15-16  - - Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.

Wow ... Houston Mayor is unbelievable

http://www.faithdrivenconsumer.com/?recruiter_id=475566

We can no longer remain silent. We must stand together - because one day – the government might come for your pastor.

What do you give life to?

just a quick entry for me today, spent a week on vacation camping with the family last week near Branson and I feel like I'm still behind on catching up on everything at work.  I'd stay its taken me the week to get back in the groove!  What great times camping with my wife, kids and mother-in-law.  Yes, a great time with mother-in-law, I did say that!  Hot days with the beach just mere moments away, kids learning to swim, great campfire conversations, walking around downtown in old-fashioned shops with sweet tea at every turn.  Can't wait for the next time we go!

Ok, if you read any of my posts, please feel free to comment, it would be great to hear from you and also, God bless you while you read.  Take Care - jc

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Have you thought about what you are going to give life to today?

You have the opportunity to give life or death with your words, everyday.  To anything and everything.

You have the chance to give life to a topic, a care, a fight with your husband or wife, an anxiety, or to people … will you choose to give your money, your marriage, your friendships, will you give them life?  What you speak to and about, you offer those things life each time you speak of them or to them. 

Jesus spoke words of everlasting life and those are the words we should focus on today.  Sharing those words of love and life.

Lets not waste our time giving life to meaningless conversation, instances where Jesus said we should “turn the other cheek”.   I truly believe he meant for us to not give life to those instances.  You know in your own life when you could have just turned aside, not with passive-aggressiveness but truly turned from the situation and either forgiven and moved on or just understood that the people or situation you were dealing with needed grace from you. 

This is something I struggle with even just driving to work!  I need to get in the slow lane, and be gracious to the other drivers.  My destination is not more important than theirs.  Humbly go, five below.   

You cannot take back any of the words that come from your mouth, so listen carefully, consider your words, and respond with grace.  You and I were given more grace than we should have ever received, so be sure to return the favor.  Start today.

Be. Grace. Full.

The Fade

James 1:21 – “Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” (NIV)

 

These words spoke to me: “all moral filth and evil” and “humbly”. 

 

Which word(s) speaks to you?

 

It’s something I have to struggle with everyday, as do we all. We live in the world, but we are not of the world, so we can’t succumb to the worlds ideal of what matters … because if evil rules the world, which it does (John 12:31 satan is the “ruler of this world”) and I succumb to the ideals of the world, that means now I’m idolizing or striving for an identity based on what satan wants for us, or I put the “what will other people think?” mentality to the forefront of my brain.  So I have to step back and say to myself, “Self, do you really want to impress the people of this world who, themselves, are basing their own identity on a lie?  They (believer/unbeliever of the world) judge themselves by what other people (believer/unbeliever of the world) think about them?  Satan is literally laughing all the way to hell on this one, because we’re trying to please others who aren’t even, potentially, pleasing God … and that’s not even the point, the point is that we are trying to please God and without faith (Hebrews 11:6) its impossible to please God!!!  and how is it faithful to put on a pedestal the ideals of satan, or the ideals of those who are under his control?!?!

 

Why would we want to try to please ANYONE WHO IS NOT GOD?!?!

 

Do I want an identity based on the ideals of satan?   Do I want an identity based on what a peron(s) (Christian or non-Christian) thinks about me? 

 

I am confident this is what satan wants.  He wants us to keep our eyes on all the earthly prizes.  What’s the next prize?!  Bigger!  Better!  More! More! More!

 

(Psalms 4:6-8 The Message) “Why is everyone hungry for more? “More, more,” they say. “More, more.”  I have God’s more-than-enough, More joy in one ordinary day ^7-8 Than they get in all their shopping sprees.  At day’s end I’m ready for sound sleep, For you, God, have put my life back together.”

 

I know there is a struggle between good and evil which we cannot see. A struggle for my soul and I know I have a struggle which takes place within my heart, on occasion. My laser focus on God can be skewed, it can be blocked, it can be out-right knocked down, or deflected I believe by my own-self but also the whispers of evil in my ear.  I can go from road rage, to frustration with the kids, to upset with kristen, to a finger-click away from an image I shouldn't view, to wishing I had the income of my co-workers who have wives who work, or wishing I had a nicer car, etc.   The list can go on and on and on …

 

I know, from experience, is that this list won’t change until I’m clearly focused on God. When I make him my number one, then really, all the rest of the wants, the “needs”, the things of this world … they fade away. They become background noise.  Then, the noise fades away.

 

It’s like a canoe trip, when you first take off from the landing. 

 

You are around vehicles running, people talking, then you push off into the water and as you slowly paddle away the sounds of the voices and engines fade.  Soon all you hear is the water swirling around your paddle as you push through the water, the breeze rustling through the leaves, waves lapping at the sides of the canoe.  It all fades away.  All the noise, the frustration, the filth, the evil.  It fades.  Fades into peace.

 

Have you experienced the fade lately?

 

Its the same with God.  The prince of PEACE! 

 

If you haven't left the "landing" lately, take some time to sit in your "canoe" wherever that may be, and leave the banks of the world behind for a little bit.

 

If you haven’t already, will you find some time to talk with God today?

 

Peace and blessings to all who read this.

Thank you ... you real man, you.

On the 5 hour drive on the way home from my parents house yesterday, we stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs and get a pick-me-up for the doziness which was occurring inside of my body.

 

As I pulled in, to my left I noticed young woman sitting in a 4-door dodge neon, wearing scrubs and casually texting or playing on her cell phone.  I didn’t pay her much attention and assumed she was waiting for her passenger who was probably inside getting a refreshment or using the bathroom.  I thought it odd though, as it appeared she was on her way home from work and unless she was sharing a ride with a co-worker, who might she be waiting for?

 

I came back out and the entrance to my car was obstructed by the woman, who was now at the rear passenger door alongside a man about my age and a little boy whom they were both helping get settled into a booster sear.  I couldn’t enter my car because of where they were standing, so I set my drink on the hood and opened the straw, slowly, so as not to hurry them.

 

The man had kind of a high and tight haircut so I assumed he was on reserves or in the forces, and I heard him say “See you later buddy” as he walked away from the car.  Ahh.  Now it was making sense.  The woman shut the door and she and the man said something which was inaudible but I’m guessing it was “See you later” or something to that effect.  There was no love between them.  I bet there was at some point.  Even if it was just for one night.

 

As I entered my car I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Kristen’s eyes full of tears and I can saw pain in her eyes.  It only took a second for me to realize that she had seen something happen.  I turned to look left, to the rear passenger window of the neon to see that boy the man and woman were helping into the car.  He was about 10 years old.  He was sobbing, crying, looking back at his dad as he walked away, with eyes full of tears, red-faced and head down, his face held in his hands. 

 

I too, began to cry.

 

It was the exchange.   The return. 

 

What awful terms to describe this scenario.  They make it seem like a retail transaction.

 

There was so much pain in that boys eyes.  I instantly got sick to my stomach and my own tears began to flow.  All I wanted to do was give that little boy a hug and to tell him it would be alright.  All our windows were shut, but I could almost hear his cry as he continued to look back over his shoulder, out the window at where his father had been, trying to get one more glimpse.  The time was too short?  He wanted dad back?  His face showed the pain that he knew his cries were futile.  They wouldn’t change the situation.  He was helpless.  He had no nope.

 

 His mom looked at me and noticed that I had seen the exchange.  I tried to feign a smile with my lips and look the other way.  She was saying some things to the little boy and she had a strange smile on her face, maybe she was trying to hide the pain from him.  From me.  She pulled slowly out of the parking spot, making promises to him I’m sure, maybe fore ice cream or maybe a movie or a new toy to soothe the pain.  To quiet the cry.

 

I want to know what toy it is that you can buy which can fix the pain inflicted upon your heart as your parents try to live separate lives with their child being sent in-between.  Whatever ‘normal’ they think they can bring into that situation.  They are fooling themselves. 

 

What breaks my heart even more is the fact that this same thing happens across the country, perhaps a million times or more every week.  Maybe every day?  And then the hurt and the pain, gets covered up.  It gets put into the hurt pocket.  Maybe it doesn’t get dealt with.  it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the crumbling of family and the values stems, in part, from this pain and devastation these children, even adult children, must go through when this breaking apart of the foundation of your life takes place.  No wonder the high divorce rate and the incarcerations we have,  the abuses of alcohol, drugs, food, etc. 

 

I am crying over the boy as I write this and re-live the scenario.  It was truly one of the most heart-wrenching scenes I’ve seen played out.  It’s the first time I think I’ve ever witnessed a custody exchange. 

 

I know you have had your own gut-wrenching with your own kids and at other times that we all were not part of or privy to, so maybe you’ve experienced something like this before.

 

I wrote this note to tell you thank you.  Thank you for raising your kids.  For not abandoning your families, in the past, now or in the future.  Whether or not that thought ever entered your mind is not where I’m going. 

 

I can appreciate how difficult raising little ones can be.  I know every stage will present its own struggle.  Thank God it’s not revealed to me now, because I know I’m sure I’d be anxious and worried about those future days. 

 

For now, I’ll focus on today.

 

I squeezed the kids a little tighter last night and kissed them a little longer at bed.  Smiled when they whined, laughed at their silly jokes and praised God I have a wife that didn’t leave me so many years ago.

 

So “Thank you” for doing what you do, for loving your wives and raising those kiddos in ‘The Way’.

I'll see your sin and raise you Jesus

I head a thought on the way to work today, regarding immorality …

 

Thinking of it as like, erosion.  Slowly, but surely it can wear away the veneer of our Christianity exposing our true sinful nature, where at some point, the foundation of ourselves cannot bear the burden, and we collapse and succumb to the sin.  For some it may be a wandering eye or lustful thought or a quick glimpse maybe a quick drink or flirty conversation.  They slowly become normalcy and before we even realize (deception, narrow focus) we are fully engulfed in the thing we are so pitted against. 

 

So I think about those who’s foundations are loose soil.  An unbeliever, or a believer who is struggling with doubt.  Those erosions from immorality (all around us, constantly) are continually eating away their foundation, their arid soil.  But we have Christ as our rock solid foundation … we are still going to have erosion, but at an infinitesimal rate, compared to those who are without Him.

 

I’ve been in this position before and very glad for God’s whispers to keep, during every moment, focus upon his path and the promises he makes for me.

 

I think God wants us to use metaphors, from the living world around us, to be able to better formulate these ideas of how he wants us to live, to be able to better understand the stark contrast between living for him and living for ourselves.  Jesus told many stories and used many metaphors, which included environmental parables.  I guess there is something to that!

 

Just some thoughts running through my head this morning.  You can pray for my mind, eyes, ears, heart to seek and focus on his path.  This life is filled with so many distractions, literally the devil’s playground we live in, vying for our attention.

James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Are your ears open?

Is anyone else struggling to get into bikini shape?  I’m a man so I’m not dealing with that issue … but I do get an email every Monday morning from Outback Steakhouse for a free bloomin’ onion whenever there guy makes the top 10 in the Nascar race over the weekend.  I can’t help but fall into those bloomin’ onion temptations, because its always something.  “OK” I tell myself “Tomorrow is a new day and we’ll start then.” and then the weekend comes and we go bananas on Pizza Party Friday or we go to our friends and have a little more than we normally would and then … repeat the cycle.  I look at my kids and I think, I should just eat what they do.  we force upon them organic veggies and great proteins … water and some milk on occasion.   Of course the afternoon or after dinner treat is something we all look forward to.  The problem is too many treats for me … not enough veggies.  Oh well, maybe bikini body next year?

 

So this weekend was sheetrock central at our place.  my wife and I hung drywall and it was awesome how things turned out.  its amazing to me that I have a wife who will still make me food, love on me and hang drywall with me even though I am a big, stinky, loud and sometimes ineffective man.

 

By ineffective, I mean of course, I don’t always rush for the lotion to rub her feet after a day on mine.

 

But we should.  I should.

 

We are called to serve and what it boils down to, is that we need to be the 2^nd greatest need fulfillers there are.  People are starving for the Truth and purpose.  Now, I can’ fulfill your deepest needs, sorry about that.  Actually, no one can.  Only Jesus.

 

I’m pretty sure my wife’s deepest need is foot rubs and calve massages.  She would beg to differ, but it’s a close second I’m sure.

 

Well today I’m rambling because I am super achy, my 34 going on 35 year old bod can’t take the abuse like it used to.

 

Do you ever want to stay up late because you get some “me time” and then realize you have to get up at 6am and its like 12:30?  Not the first time its happened to me and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

 

I’d like to get the pictures up of the work on the house, hopefully soon I’ll have some time to devote to this journaling.  I intended to be on here more than I am, but finding that wife, kids, house, work, friends and other activities tend to carve out the time.

 

Today is my opportunity to do something new, to take a risk, to walk like I believe.  And not just talk like I believe.

 

Are you a walker or a talker?  Have an example?

 

My verse today is James 1:19 (NIV)

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

 

 

Are you listening?

What do you need to ask for? 1 John 5:14-15

What do you need to ask for?

 

So this morning I am talking with my wife.  We are having a discussion about a dream she has had where I came home and told her how excited I was at riding home with a woman from church because she was “smoking hot”.  As you can imagine neither of us was thrilled with the dream, but my wife especially because she prays that God would speak to us through our dreams and he has told her things before which I wish he would have left private because I was hiding from her.  So her take on the dream is what do you need to tell me?  with a very mad face.

I am not the same person, inside, that I was 10-20 years ago.  My wife has right to be suspicious as I let my heart wander and my body and I was immature and selfish and left my wife for another woman for a time.  We nearly divorced, but I truly felt the prayers of my family, friends and even those of my wife.  We met one night during the turmoil of that time and we talked for about 4 hours.  We hadn’t spoke in months, up until that time.  God moved in my heart and that evening I decided I wanted her back and I wanted to fight for our marriage.  That was 8 years ago.  So my wife, has even more of a right, I believe, to be suspect.  She hasn’t had these dreams in ages and the reality is that I’m not having an affair.  However, I’m still susceptible to temptation from the internet, TV, magazine, billboards, newspapers, and the list goes on and on.  What we do with those images, as men, can be detrimental to our health, our marriages, our stability as well as our inner conscious.

Most men think that a glance is a glance, it won’t hurt anything.  I have read in various journals and magazines that an image in a man’s brain will be viewable for up to 6 years, even if we want to try to forget it.  I’ll admit that evening opening your email can be difficult, per se, as the scrolling images of single women roll up the screen for a dating website service.

My wife’s dream also articulated to me that although she may be suffering from her own lack of sexuality because of raising three kids, nursing our youngest, cooking, cleaning (and the million other jobs that go along with being a stay-at-home mom) that the real problem is that I am not owning up to my covenant with God regarding honoring her as my wife and more importantly as her daughter.  Everyday is a “new love” with your wife.  Overnight, her love tank runs dry and its up to you to fill it each day.  Every.  Day.  When my wife starts having dreams of the type that I just mentioned it doesn’t (thank God) point to an exact meaning.

What gets lost day to day I think is that honor and respect we need to have for each other as children of god.  The cranky neighbor across the street.  God loves them.  The rude waitress at the restaurant.  God loves her.

And so must we.  It’s our calling.

Let me get to the point.  Today’s bible verse is 1 John 5:14-15: 

     “This is the confidence we have in approaching god, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.   And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.”

Isn’t that amazing!!!  We have not because we ask not!  You’ve heard it before but maybe this will put it in a new light, for some of you.

You can be confident, that all you ask for from God, that if its according to his will, you will receive. 

Doesn’t this make you feel great?!  now all those things you were hesitant to ask for, felt selfish for asking for, for guilty for asking for … well those feelings may be your conscious telling you, you don’t need them. 

I’m not talking new cars and jewelry.  You can ask, I guess!  Maybe you’ll ask and it will inspire you to save, but then you’ll have all the money saved and you’ll end up giving it to charity instead.  I don’t know!   Maybe it will inspire you to be a marriage mentor because you’ve been through some rough patches and you know you have plenty to share with others who are in that situation, but you don’t like talking in front of people.  Pray for public speaking skills and a heart for marriages!   The possibilities are truly endless and I’m guessing what you aren’t asking for is something that you really need to do.

But what I’m getting at here and what you can find joy in today … is that God will give you all that you ask for, in accordance for his will for you; his purpose for you and his kingdom.

I have listed below my “wants”.  Now they aren’t perfect or in any order, they just popped into my head.  I have added the verse I shared with you today to my index card verses and on the back I am going to keep a list of wants.  This way I can pray for them and add to them and cross them off as those prayers are answered.

I “want” in my life

- fulfilled marriage

- closer walk with God
- my kids to seek/follow God
- real, open, relationships
- marriage counseling others
- Fun!!!
- wisdom
- discernment
- continual spiritual growth
- acreage (a hobby farm)
- sustainability
- livestock
- maple trees for maple syrup
- honey bees
- to honor my parents
-
-
-
-

(I left some blank so I can come back and add more)

All of those things I listed I am asking god for today.  Thatt if it’s his will that any of those things that I want can bring him and his kingdom glory that he would provide them to us, now or in the future.

 

My prayer is today for all you who may read this entry, to be filled with contentment and joy knowing that your live as a Christian is well-taken care of on this earth and for eternity in heaven.  That you will have no needs because he meets them all and that your wants, according to his will, will be met … because you asked for it in prayer.  Thank you Jesus for all those who have met you in this place today, that the weight they feel to be perfect, to live up to others standards, who struggle with peer review that they would remember to ask for all they want and you would provide to them it all, as it is according to your will for them.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

So I’m going to ask the question one more time. 

What do you need to ask for?

Think about it.

The Strong and The Weak

I'm reading a book by Paul Tournier its called The Strong and The Weak.  Published in 1963 and I think originally written in the late 1940's ... it's really an amazing book by a man some say was the most influential Christian phsycian and counselor of the last century. 

I find myself surprised at how often the things that were happening in culture of those days are the very same we deal with today.

Conflict in relationships is probably the greatest weakness we are faced today as a nation.  Here are a few excerpts I've found quite interesting. 

I hope you find a nugget of information that will be helpful for you in your daily life.

“One can never foresee the means that God will use  to touch a man’s heart, the roads along which he will drive him, nor the moment at which he will intervene in his life.  It may be at the height of happiness, or in the midst of a painful crisis.  It may be within a fervent religious community, or in utter solitude.  It may be by means of a slow process of evolution, or quite suddenly and unexpectedly.  But it is always through the free intervention of the Spirit.”

 

“Constraint is the negation of all spiritual life.  We can help others by telling them of our experiences and convictions.  But let us have the honesty to tell them of our failures and doubts as well.  Above all, we must beware of the natural inclination which makes us think that others must come to faith by the same road as ourselves.  If we exert any sort of pressure upon them, we shall inevitably harm them.  Pressure of that kind will either force their decision, in which case we shall be usurping God’s place; or else it will arouse their resistance, and we shall have become for them an obstacle to faith.”

 

“The rewarding thing about introspection of this sort is not so much what one discovers as the fact that one discovers it.  in fact, as we perceive, time and time again, that we are more bankrupt than we imagined, that the things we thought we could put down on the credit side must often rather be put down as debits, that weakness hides even under our strong reactions, we undergo the most fruitful of human experiences.  We abandon our futile attempts to save ourselves from our inner disquiet by means of victories in the social struggle, by drawing comfort from our reputation and all that we do to fortify it.  Rather do we turn at last towards God, the only true answer to human distress.”

That is the only way to get the insight which will enable us to discriminate in our own lives between genuine acts of will and mere automatic reactions – we must turn towards God in prayer.” … “In the silence before God we soon see that this action or that remark was not in conformity with his will, that they were weak or strong reactions, cowardly flight or proud bravado, the aim of which in either case was to preserve us from our uneasy conscience. 

                In the silence before God we thus come gradually to a better knowledge of ourselves; we come to know more clearly , at one and the same time, what are our weaknesses and sins and the quite new road we must follow in order to overcome them – that we must confess them in order to receive the divine pardon, instead of hiding them in order to receive the praises of men.

                Prayer will not deliver us from our natural reactions, whether weak or strong; but it will bring us to recognize them for what they are, and thus continually to fresh experiences of grace.”

 

“Does mans value lie in his strength, in his aptitude for elbowing his way through life, for extricating himself from difficulties, for defending himself and imposing his will on others?  Such are the questions which crowd in on our minds.

                A man’s true value consists in his likeness to God.  What gives value to his thoughts, his feelings and his actions, is the extent to which they are inspired by God, the extent to which they express the thought, the will, and the acts of God.  Sometimes, it is God’s power which is manifested in a man’s courage, in the authority with which he speaks and the strength with which he acts.  But sometimes, also, it is Gods tenderness which we observe in the heart of one who is weak, his creative suffering that we discover in a tormented soul.”

               

“The fact is that our whole civilization suggests to us a false scale of values.  It accords positive value to all that is strong, and negative value to all that is weak.  It is shameful to be weak, sensitive, pitiable, or affectionate.”

 

“What mankind needs in our day, if its to escape the catastrophe towards which it is being led by our rationalist and technical civilization, is just these qualities of kindness, conscience, emotion, sensitiveness, beauty, and intuition, which lie repressed and asleep deep in the hearts of those whom that civilization despises.

                These are real ‘ frozen assets’.  Instead of being mobilized as a matter of urgency, they are locked up in broken lives, which are discarded because they are labeled ‘weak’.”

 

“But we are well aware that along with our successes we have known defeat, and that no doctrine and no experience has been able to preserve us from it.  And the further we advance in the Christian life the more we become aware of our sin.  It is as if weights were continually being added to one of the pans of a balance; and each time this happens we need more of God’s grace in the other pan in order to re-establish the equilibrium.  But this equilibrium is always unstable, so that the very slightest weight is enough to upset it; discouragement and doubt are at our door.  it is then that we are tempted to shut our eyes to our defeats, to go back to the old method of covering up by means of strong reactions – and the temptation is the greater the further we think we have advanced along the road of the spiritual life.  But to do so would be at the same time to deprive ourselves of the grace which alone can redress the balance.”

 

“God wants us to love in ourselves the person created by him in his image, worthy of being tended with care, of being protected so that it may grow properly.  It must indeed be pruned, but so that it may bring forth fruit, not so as to destroy it.”

We're all in this together

Last night was the first day of soccer practice for my 5 year old.  The most exciting part for him was putting on the new shin guards and quad length soccer socks he got for practice. 

My wife tends to our little 12 week old Cullen in the car as the wind blows strong across the soccer field, the blue sky fading to gray as the April sun is beginning its descent.  Reese stays near in her rainboots, complaining most of the time that she wished we would have remembered to bring her tennis shoes.  But she’s a trooper and makes great strides as I time her as she runs to the pine tree with the big shadow.  19 seconds, each of the three times.  She bathes in the attention and I’m happy to give it to her.  its not often lately that we get out of the patterns of our house work and remodeling to see the kids in a new light.  It does make a difference in our appreciation for them.  When was the last time you got out?

 Our son, as tall or taller than the other boys, looks about 10 years older than he is because now his baby locks are rough, dense, cropped by the barber just the other day.

 
Reese runs wild but her shyness makes an appearance when other little ones stray too close or are going to play on the equipment she is headed for.  "Do you want to play with those other girls?" I ask her.  “Umm, no fanks Dad.”  It makes me smile just to think about her voice.  Her Boston accent.  Which is really unique because her mother and I were born and raised in Minneosta.  Her red apple cheeks, rosy and blush from the wind and running around in those rain boots which eventually came to give her a big red line across her shin.  A fact she didn’t fail to keep from us, saying that she too … could have used some new "shin gawds".

 

These moments help to remind me of the big picture.  It wasn’t that long ago the little ones were nursing on their mom,  like Cullen is now.  What do you do to appreciate those moments?  Pictures, journals ... ? Are there things you wish you would have done differently or more often, or less often, with your little ones?
 
My goals is not to make you feel down about the past, but more importantly what you are looking forward to in the future?  What changes have you made in your life to not take it too seriously?  Have you reached that point yet?  The moment in time when you realize that your life could end at any time?  Any day?  I'm turning 35 this year and realize that in 5 years my life is going to be close to half over, if I live to the average life expectancy of an adult in America.  I've made some mistakes in my life, but I have to say, I feel God has put me, through that adversity, right where He wants me.  I would change some of the sins, if I could, but I wouldn't change my life right now, for anything.  Those trials I faced still have an affect on my life and sometimes negatively.  I need your prayer that God would help me move through those moments when I occasionally get buried in my past defeats.  Those times I gave in to satan's lies and deceit.  I struggled with an eating disorder, an affair within marriage, falling from the belief of God, even the loss of a potential  NFL contract because of my own selfishness and inhibitions. 

Please remember that when you face a trial, adversity or difficult situation that you are not alone.  No, we are all facing some sort of demon and together, knowing that others are going through the same situation, we can find hope in God and comfort in the knowledge that we are in this whole thing together.

If you need a prayer, would you please put it in the comment section of this posting?  Don’t hesitate.  If you read this or the following verse and you feel alone or like no one can understand what you are feeling or going through, I am urging you to please, comment with your heart.  It would be my pleasure to pray, and to have others pray as well.

 

 - To Know Him and To Make Him Known -

 

1 Peter 5:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

"Kicking the tires" of cohabitation ...

My nephew is considering living with his girlfriend, who happens to be my wife's youngest sister.  Not too complicated, but my nephew will most likely become my brother-in-law.  My wife's family is from Arkansas so what can you say?  I'm only joking!  Don't hate on me you ridgerunners, you!

So after contemplating their idea of living together for about a split second I was a little upset, a lot upset because my wife and I had some major problems in our life, mainly due to my weak reactions to my own insecurities and failing faith.  Our sexual deviance before marriage caused a large rift in the fabric of our marriage and we were not prepared, I know I wasn't, to deal with the cataclysmic events that followed. 

I wrote the following letter home yesterday, to my wife regarding the cohabitation.  I believe you will see my point of view and would welcome any replies you may have.  Keep in mind I was venting and grammar and punctuation may not be well completed.  (like it is anyway!)

You suffered pain. You suffered heartache. You were torn apart and I got to know all too well God’s wrath during those times. We did not come through unscathed. There are hurts, pains and memories we pray God would blot out of our memories. We are thankful that He has, in every way, graced us with His mercy, His love and yes, His forgetfulness following His forgiveness.

To not share this concept that marriage is the most important, fundamental building block of all things to me is in fact a sin. So I feel obligated to share with them as to not present a mixed message. Cohabitation is not OK. The worship of God, knowing who He is, only this can surmount the importance He has given the institution He created. He will not take lightly to the idea of rebuking His creation. To scoff at God, to laugh in his face, to say that you know better than He? Now as a follower, as a believer, someone who has heard from the mouth of God the importance of his creations, His people and his covenants, to have your loved ones not take seriously those words, is akin to a slap in our face for saying that they would know better than God, than fellow believers who have been through the fire of sexual deviance regarding God’s laws. There is a physical pain deep inside when my mind pours over the potential for the disastrous results that they face by creating this hurdle, before their lives together were to even begin.

I am extremely concerned for this situation and I pray to Him there is another way for things to work out, as I feel deeply moved to say that He has other options than living together before marriage.

Most of all, I would like to say, you are my one and only all-time favorite and I am blessed for you.

 

The Weak and The Strong

I have been slacking.

Although initially established to keep me accountable to you, the three or four people who may read this, in reading my bible, journaling and sharing events in my life which may be of interest to others, cause you to laugh, cry or roll your eyes.  Well, keeping up with this has not been easy.

Three kids now, the newest one is 12 weeks old.  A son.  Beautiful baby boy.  Definitely takes after his mom.  So do the other two.

House remodel is crazy.  Why does no one warn you the money pit that house remodeling is?  I scrimp and save and work extra jobs to pay for the insulation, wiring, duct work, switches, outlets, lumber, screws, nails, sub floor, flooring, sheetrock, tools, mud, tape, paint, trim ... the list goes on and on.  And that is only the latest project!

Then throw in full-time job, wife, kids, family time, date night, friend night, bible study, church, other part-time jobs ... I am not complaining but holy cow!  I don't know what I would be able to accomplish if I didn't have a house to work on.

So, back to business. 

After reading Chip Ingram's Good to Great in God's Eyes, I decided to start reading more books.  Currently I'm chipping away at Paul Tournier's The Strong and The Weak.  He was a Christian Swiss Physician who led the way in pastoral counseling.  The book was published in 1954 but parallels the problems we face today as a culture, lost to our own devices.  Searching for an answer, a response to the calling of life.

Want to know what I took away so far?  We are all identical inside.  The way we respond to life is the only difference.  Do you react weak or strong? 

I am working now and have not much time to post on my break, but will continue speaking my mind, my thoughts on this book. 

I'd like to hear yours, if you have any.  Have you read it?  What was your thoughts?  Did you learn anything about yourself?  Lessons on parenting or being a child?  Do you have more grace for others now?

Praying who all read this, find God's peace.


"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
 - Hebrews 12:2